I received an email from a fellow who asked about the “game of dating.” He had just gone on a “successful” date (he likes her and he believes she likes him) and he wanted to know what I thought about being “unavailable”; not calling his date too soon after the date or waiting for her to call him.

I don’t believe in playing games with anyone for any reason. I encourage men and women to have courage and tell the truth about how they feel, what they think, and what they need/want, like/dislike, in a responsible and respectful way. Folks, dating is a process that requires personal integrity! When you engage anyone in a conversation or interaction it is incumbent upon you to speak and act honestly and respectfully.

Dating is the opportunity to let someone get to know you, and for you to get to know them. Playing games will never get you what you want. Playing games deliberately creates an inaccurate picture of who you are and what you are thinking and feeling.

I replied to the email and invited this gentleman to call his date as soon as possible and speak honestly about his thoughts and feelings about their date. What was it about her that he liked? Was he interested in how she thought about things? Was he attracted to how she looked or the way she handled herself in public? Did he discover that they shared similar interests, had comparable backgrounds, or did she have ideas that were different than anyone he had ever met?

I suggested his conversation with her might sound something like this:  “I enjoyed myself very much the other evening. I’m glad I met you. I liked your stories about your work and growing up in the east. I’m such a dog lover and I knew I wanted to get to know you better after you talked about your dog, Spot. I would like to see you again, perhaps for Sunday brunch.”

Remember, nearly everyone who is out there dating is emotionally fragile. We want others to like us, to find us attractive, interesting, funny… Let’s stop playing games, start showing up, and have the courage to let others see us accurately no matter what the outcome. They’re going to see who we really are someday anyway. Let’s not waste any time with people who don’t enjoy us and aren’t enriched by being in our presence!

Remember, only YOU can make it happen!

 

Original Content by Jackie Black, Ph.D., BCC
www.DrJackieBlack.com ~ DrJackie@DrJackieBlack.com

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