How many people do you know who can not tell someone they are dating that they do not want to see them any more?

How many couples do you know who continue to date, are not making a commitment and one or both of them are miserable being together?

Why do you suppose that intelligent, capable and otherwise successful men and women do not tell the truth when they no longer want to spend time together and build a life with another person?

Men and women from the U.S. and Canada to the U.K. to Australia and New Zealand tell me the very same thing:

  • I can’t tell him that I don’t want to be with him anymore…it sounds so mean
  • I don’t want to hurt her feelings
  • I can’t just reject him, he’s such a nice guy
  • She won’t understand…she’ll be so upset and she’s very sweet
  • People say I’m being too picky…that I am actually very lucky to be dating such a wonderful…

Please remember you are dating.  Dating is a process.  You are dating to find your ideal match. Recognizing that the men and women you are dating are not a match for you is the point of the process.

It is highly likely that you will date a number of people who will not be your ideal match before you and the love of your life find each other.  As soon as you recognize that your date is not your ideal match, stop the dating process.

You will not be the ideal match for the overwhelming majority of people who date you! When men or women you date recognize that you are not a match for them, they will (hopefully) stop the dating process…they will stop dating you.

There is no “rejecting” or “rejection” going on here.  No one is being mean or hurting the feelings of others when one stops dating someone who is not the ideal match. Mindful adults are making mindful decisions with volition and intention about the “who” and the “how” of the rest of their lives.  It is as simple as that.

Go out, keep dating and don’t settle or accept good enough.  Your ideal love is a very special man or woman who will not be interchangeable with anyone else.

Trust that it can be fabulous; that you can have what you want!

Say goodbye as soon as you know what you know, deep in the place where you know it!

Remember, only YOU can make it happen!

 

Original Content by Jackie Black, Ph.D., BCC
www.DrJackieBlack.com ~ DrJackie@DrJackieBlack.com

Stay inspired and in the know by subscribing to the RSS
feed for Dr. Jackie’s weekly podcast, “Just Between Us”

{ 0 comments }

Understanding the Process of Grieving

August 25, 2015

Grief is the reaction to a loss event. What do I mean by loss event? Well, loss isn’t only death of a loved one.  Loss events include: Family Loss Events: Death of a Loved One Miscarriage Infertility Children with Special Needs Aging Parents/Grandparents Adoption Blended/Step-families Relationship Loss Events: Divorce Break-up Separation Personal Loss Events: Moving […]

Read the full article →

Growing Pains

August 18, 2015

Do you have specific ideas about the man or woman of your dream: body type, personality qualities, things you want to have in common? Are you someone who dates a man or a woman for six months or so, then gets bored and ends the relationship? Or do you get into relationships you don’t really […]

Read the full article →

All’s Fair in Love and Finances

August 11, 2015

Mature men and women who are dating have many questions about money and issues related to money management. The most frequent question I am asked by men is how to avoid always picking up the tab. Women are curious about how to engage men in conversations about money. What questions are OK to ask? When […]

Read the full article →

Love Relationships: 5 Easy Steps to Forever

August 4, 2015

What do you mean when you refer to a “relationship”?  Do you know the differences between a dating relationship, a pre-committed relationship and a committed relationship? The difference has to do with the nature and structure of the relationship. The nature and structure of a committed, love relationship is related to the agreements and commitments […]

Read the full article →

Understanding and Resolving Conflict

July 28, 2015

Conflict is inevitable and a normal part of life. Healthy conflict can lead to positive changes in personal relationships. Negative conflict can be very destructive and can sap energy from everyone around. Causes of Conflict Searching for the causes can be helpful in resolving the conflict. Here are some common causes to be aware of: […]

Read the full article →

How Do You Set Boundaries?

July 21, 2015

Let me say first, setting boundaries is not disrespectful, bad or wrong. In fact, emotionally healthy people set personal boundaries. Educate people in your life about your boundaries. Calmly and respectfully inform them about how they can and cannot behave around you. Let people know what you want and don’t want, what you like and […]

Read the full article →

Why Are Boundaries Important?

July 14, 2015

If your life is filled with discord and you don’t feel that others respect you, it’s time to set your boundaries. Each of us experiences our reality in four ways: Body – what we look like Thinking – how we give meaning to incoming data Feelings – our emotional response Behavior – what we do […]

Read the full article →

What Are Boundaries and How Do they Work?

July 7, 2015

If your life is filled with more of what you don’t want and not enough of what you do want, it’s time to set your boundaries. Boundaries define a person’s sense of self (i.e., who he or she is as an individual). Setting boundaries makes others feel safe around you and allows you to feel […]

Read the full article →

Making and Keeping Agreements and Commitments

June 30, 2015

Making and keeping agreements and commitments is a fundamental ingredient of any relationship. It is one of the cornerstones of a committed love relationship. It is vital that partners know in the deepest part of their being that they can count on the promises and assurances offered by their beloved. Not honoring the agreements or […]

Read the full article →